Beautiful crazy

Something in your eyes causes my heart to ache
I see you fighting trying to stay longer
Are you tired can you make the last stretch

I see how difficult it is for you to breathe
I know you’re trying to find it
Even if it’s not today

You look worn and beaten by the world
You’re just waiting to be cut loose
I see the difficulty every time you look up

You can’t be contained you don’t retain warmth
You’re cold you’re so cold
I hold on to you for dear life
Trying to fight a losing battle

Your laboured breaths
Are like a chorus of angels
Waiting to ascend to heaven
But you always assured me:
“I’m not knocking on heaven’s doors yet.”

You’re made of the earth and one day you’ll return
And day by day I see you walking closer
Being lead slowly up heaven’s stairs


Fallen Fruit

Are you a saint?
Show me how to be one too
Paint me into lilac heaven
Give me the primordial freckles and specks of angels
Are you a saint?
My tears are watermarks in the glistening sun
The halo over my head is marked with love
And the sword of Damocles
Gets closer as I grow older
Words are not my Saviour complex
They just fall like ripe apples out my mouth
Purged as sulphur
Said like a:
A proverbial sinner
A euphoric state of existential vertigo
I’m asked no I’m expected to know
And bubbles grow from the inside
Transcendent hypocrisy spills from my lips
Are you a saint?



Lilac heaven
A bed of wildflowers set on fire
They chant Memento mori
As I wake
I couldn’t escape the silver spoon shoved down my throat
Visions from a crystal ball
Say I’ll burn forever never fading never ending
The sweet grapes on the vine
Remind me of how I write you a letter
And how you say you love me like God loves Adam
I cherry pick my days
Because I don’t have to be perfect just good
The magic that floods through my veins
Are the worlds that slip from my lips
And it’s like birth breathing for the first time
I shriek my lungs on fire I breathe it in
All the sorrows of life
My mantra is the same
“I’m a forest fire wild like the colour blue
I’m living on sheer will power so I can see right through you
And I like the other, was born to burn”
There’s a garden on the wall
Made of all my childhood memories
Mother Nature says it’s made for me



It’s your sweet freckles
I love them like God loves Adam
And for once apples are oranges
And cherry blossoms bloom on sycamore trees
Yes love beyond anatomy
Where bodies are casings and souls are true form
Because the storm is in me and the forest fires are in you
Sweet wildflowers bloom within our wake
Your finger prints like a diptych in my body
You are what makes me woman
As you grow little bird
Bird birdy my sweet songbird
I say as I will myself not to run into the crossroad
I see you everywhere on the faces of children
My ghost child
I feel hollow almost empty my sweet daughter
How you love me and how I loathe me
Accidents happen all the time
I say as I’m screaming underwater
But I love you you’re my daughter
Sweet and perfect now underwater
Slipped through my fingers
As I was sleeping
Go quietly as I sleep
And heaven has a perfect songbird
And I am without a bird in my nest


A virtuous woman

You my love are a garden
And I forbid the rustic foot of a man
To crush you
I lay stretched out on top of you
Collapsed in sunbeams
White picket fence
Blue summer dress
The endless love makers
Laureled by the praise of silence
As you look deeply into my eyes
Searching for the brilliance of the soul
Your hand in mine our breathing in sync
But this is not all there is to a marriage
Marriage is complex and frightening
Revelatory and restrained
You will have to show restraint that is
By human standards impossible
But we derive meaning from nothing
And nothing from meaning
Nothing is sacred only if you care
The duties are laid out before you
Like Leonardo Da Vinci’s The Last Supper
All is sacred and yet ostentatious
The virago burnt on the stake


This is when I get hit by a car

You dream of being the main character of your life
And I was surrounded by the faces of my past and you were surrounded by the future out of your reach
Like a violin concerto
The infinite cracks in the universe births multiverses
When will it be enough to live to die by your side
And still we are not eternal lovers
And time so weak and fragile ended yes it ended with you it ended with me
As allusive as the greatest tragedies
Ours is merely written before it is burned
Like a pregnant woman giving birth to a stillborn
The tragedy precedes the story itself
Born to die as it was


At the age of seventeen

Daughter you were nothing like me at the age of seventeen
Daughter you are a hybrid of the lovers I’ve known all my life you’re a new human being
And so everything you do is a cosmic catalyst
You are the equilibrium of space and us

You always ask me if I had a time machine
Would I change anything my lovers or my life
But destiny gave me you a universe beyond imagination

Daughter you are the circumstance of all the conspiring of forces beyond my control
You are the perpetual residual of myself
Through screams and cries tears and tears

From my body flesh of my own flesh
Soil of my own soil the earth let me create
Before I am dust and memory
Daughter of this I’m proud


Yes everything has changed

And as I walk blindly I remember love always wins
I should have approached you with honesty
Instead I was in a depth of my own lightheartedness

I was being strong in my own softness
Confident in my own humility
I’m a pendulum swinging back and forth
Changing my mind as I go

I remember the way you picked apart oranges
You peeled the orange and pluck out the seeds
And remove the skin before you put it to your mouth

I feel like you’ve been plucking oranges all your life
With and without people by your side
I feel you’ve been plucking people all your life
With and without oranges by your side

I always feel I have to talk to keep away silence
I always feel I have to touch to keep away the violence

It’s like how I drink cold milk with honey in summer strange but comforting to lull me to sleep
It’s like the oranges and people you pick at with your fingers

There’s a comfort in our discomfort
A meaning in every silence
A subtext in touch that says
“Yes I know this, everything is changing once more .”


The moment of change is the only poem

And you woke up thinking
I’m going to be better for you
But that’s the problem
You only want to get better for someone else
Not yourself and I knew there was love
Love inside you that you never shared with yourself but gave freely to everyone else

And it was in this moment my heart ached for you
Suddenly I knew you like you were a part of me
I found myself sitting in your life
Not knowing if I could reach you
Then there was the pain
The thought of being a good person
Kept you going you never stopped trying

But you were tired
But you were trying
You were fighting battles I couldn’t conceive
And the rope of life felt slippery
And days felt like years to you
Certain that the world was done with you

And I hoped that you would make your way
I hoped some day you would find peace from the raging storm inside of you


I’m tired

The wind and the waves cause me to drown
The tiredness in me dragging me up to sink
Oh Lord you know I’m tired
The trees hold me up wearing my weight
The ground sinks beneath me
Oh Lord you know I’m tired

The tide pools in the end
The hurricane knows the order
Oh Lord you know I’m tired
The tight rope of life turns slippery
The days turn into years when I walk the earth
Oh Lord you know I’m tired

My My mind blurs with the red lights blue lights
My world is a stage fading fading fading
Oh Lord you know I’m tired
I fight for breath I cried for a voice
I screamed loudly screamed for a choice
Oh Lord you know I’m tired

I’m certain this world will lead me to
I’m certain the earth will lead me through
Oh Lord you know I’ll find it
It’s all I got is it enough
You know I’m fighting
Oh Lord I’m on my way